13 Feb 1927 – Sign of Envy

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What makes a love affair that is talked about from one end of the country to another?  The principals must of course be prominent.  The man is handsome and the woman beautiful, why that helps.  But when I think back over the love affairs that have had the most public attention, that have seemed to be the most envied.  Winifred Hudnut and Rudolph Valentino were the sort of couple who ought to fall in love with each other and they did madly.  The Rudolph Valentino fans breathed a heavy sigh of envy and within a few months they martially separated, and Rudolph was explaining in public that his wife wanted a career, whereas he wanted a home and children. In a word, what I remember is these famous love affairs is that they all ended unhappily. That is the type of great love? Does the romantic thing consider the real thing die in few months?  Is it true that a passion makes a poor beginning for a marriage? I am sure that the answer is No.  I am so sure that a mutual passion is the best beginning for a marriage.  I am sure the basis of the marriages I mentioned was a powerful attraction which passed because it failed to develop into the real thing. We all make a distinction, though we do not all use the same words for it, between the physical and spiritual between love and passion it should prefer to make the distinction between passion and tenderness.  Love requires both to be complete.  Everyone has felt the physical attraction which is the basis of passion and the most usual beginning of love. But when you stop to analyze it, you will see a physical attraction is a comparatively impersonal thing. If you are at all aware of your wisdom of marrying a person of about our own age, of similar background, taste and ambition rather than sone who is much older or younger, or from a very different social environment, or with a different attitude toward life.  But physical attraction is no respecter of wisdom.  Perhaps that hidden part of ourselves, the primitive part which we all conceal even from our own minds is obedient to what civilization expects of us, every man is physically attracted to every woman and vice versa.  We do not permit ourselves in recognizing it unless it has some suitability.  Passion is almost impersonal in its beginning such as the case of Rudolph Valentino and Natacha Rambova. That we force it to be personal. We control it, stamp it out, unless the person for whom we feel passion, or the possibility of passion meets some of our other demands.  What happens to a physical attraction is marriage? The same thing that happens to any other physical desire, it dies of its own gratification until its renewed.  There are happy and loving marriages in which there are no children. But I doubt if there is any happier surgery for a marriage, any better any promise, this is not a passing fancy but the real thing, then the actual desire for children or purely rational grounds it may be argued that there are already plenty of people in the world.  Adding to the number is taking on a responsibility for which nobody is every likely to thank you. It is perfectly true it is difficult to experience and trying to the nerves to have children. Nevertheless, people who love want children. People who love usually to do have children. Love which result in children are at least three times as likely to become big loves as those that do not.

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